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05/27/03 10.25 am
alright - first sorry for not updating this site for a week. well - today i have absolutely great news!! - i will go to munich to see bon jovi!!!! i thought that i wouldn't and i was so sure that i wouldn't mind but you know - today i listened to a report of the concert of tomorrow in vienna and in that very moment i KNEW that i wouldn't be able to give this ticket that i already got, away!! - it would break my heart if i were to do such a thing!!! - i am so happy today - there are no words to describe how excited i am!!! *smiles*
05/20/03 8.45 pm
don't ask me why - i just don't feel good right now. I'm afraid that i'm not that kind of person that other people expect me to be and that i won't be able to live up to there expectations though i wish for nothing more than being able to do such a thing.
honestly - i'm tired. sure my work is not really exhausting but still it is work and keeps me doing things for 9 hours each day and besides that there are so many other things to think and take care of. saturday my parents want to visit me to work in my apartment but i also have a student - i hope she'll get a good grade on her test and then at least this is over. it's getting too much for me.
in the last weeks i often caught myself wanting to go to bed at 8!!! i mean i was as tired as if i had been partying for 2 nights. - i don't know what is wrong but i hope it passes soon.
05/20/03 3.00 pm
alright - i understand that humans have to grow and that their body changes BUT why does it have to hurt so badly when one gets his/her wisdom teeth????!!!!!!
05/20/03 11.36 am
Today started wonderful!!! I woke up from nice dreams thinking that my boyfriend was already here and next to me - well, he wasn't but when I went online in the office, he was there *happy*
He got me wondering again - yesterday night and in the morning today - why i love him. I do not find any other reason as for that he is the way he is - with all his considered 'good' and 'bad' sides. I hate it when he teases me on the icq or on the phone but i hate it even more when he doesn't talk to me at all. From one moment to the other he can make me incredibly happy and high-spirited and in the next one - he makes me depressed or angry as i have the feeling i've never been before.
I do not remember ever having given so much power over my emotions to anyone. Sometimes this can be really scary, especially when i think what lays ahead of us but i hope i'm right and it is worth all the trouble that we have to go through. *smiles*
I'm happy he considers himself mine - even when i'm mad at him *smiles*
05/19/03 12.00 noon
Yes, I know - I'm sorry, I didn't update it for quite some time - but one has to know that my internet didn't work last week, my sister got kicked out to her host-family and everything else ran not the way it should have. I do not want to waste any more words on what happened in these last days but you know that the internet broke down at my office too today in the morning - it must have been a sign like - stay in bed, protect yourself and wake up just so that you look nice when your boyfriend arrives. *laughs* - i wish life were so easy!! alright, gotta go now - somehow i have work today - what a strange thing this is!! *smiles*
05/12/03 4.09 pm
I talked to my mother - she forgives me for not having come home earlier yesterday since she saw the way my apartment looks today. *smiles* I take this as a good sign and hope that the next time i tell her i'm cleaning she won't mind if i'm home 2-3 hours later than planned!!
(work still nothing to do - so this is the most exciting news for today!!!)
05/12/03 10.07 a.m.
Do you have any idea how annoying it can be when you have a boyfriend whose native language you are still learning?? - i mean he has never studied any other language besides his and makes fun of me making mistakes in a language other than my native language. Sure, I started with English when i was - well, very little - but one is hardly ever able to speak like a native speaker especially when one studied other languages as well!! - sometimes it is hard for me to understand why i love this guy - i mean he seems to take a lot of pleasure from teasing me about whatever i say. He's lucky that he is so far away i think i should beat him up when i see him the next time!!
05/11/03 7.15 pm
Well, today was Mother's Day and again I managed to upset my mother by doing what she wanted me to do - to clean my new apartment. i mean sometimes i have the feeling that i can't do anything right. Today was the first day since i moved in on which i had enough time to really get everything on its new place and make everything look nice but since it was Mother's Day my mother is upset because i didn't spend time with her! But, you know, tomorrow morning she will go into my apartment to let some guy in to repair a door and if it were as messy as it was before - she would complain about it too. I don't know what to do to please her. I guess i just do what i think is the best and ignore any negative reaction whatsoever from her side. I get too tired when trying to please her with my lifestyle because there is no way of doing it right. - I hope i'm not the only one having such problems with her family!!!
05/11/03 10.00 am
Yesterday I had some very interesting conversations. One with a dear friend who is currently upset with all men. Well, I can understand her. It is kind of a general rule that men often act like 3-year old without any respect and thinking. I wish I could have made her feel better but it is quite hard to do such a think if the other person is thousands of miles away. But soon she'll be here with me - and in this 2 weeks i will do my best to cheer her up so that she will never let anything feel bad again.
I will never understand how guys seem to not even notice how they hurt the people - especially women - around them and when you tell them they can't even say that they are sorry. I guess I have to accept this but you know i do not wish to tolerate it, not even when my boyfriend does that!! well, but i love him and therefore i will have to live with it since i can't imagine - and do not even wish for being able to imagine - life without him.
ok - icq calls again but before i leave - after accepting that i would never here a 'I'm sorry' by him, i started to talk again with him and everything seems to be alright again. well, we'll see how long this peace will last!!
05/09/03 9.15 pm
it seems everything goes wrong in the last days - my boyfriend is upset about me and i am upset about him - it seems there is no real solution for us. unfortunately i really love him, you know. i mean i told him that i need a break and i thought that the last days in which i had no internet at home would be perfect but i have the feeling he thinks that i lost interest. However, this is not the case - i just had a lot of stress at work in the last days and that i moved into my first own apartment wasn't a big help. I was simply not capable of also dealing with the problems the two of us have. i think that i need time to think about them before saying something that makes them become too big for us to solve but it seems that my refusal to solve them right away made it really bad. well, but if i had handled them the moment that they came up - i think i might have said something just to calm him down but without being honest and later the same problem might have come back.
I hope we find a way to communicate with each other again. I don't know what i would do without him. I wish i could make it clear to him how much he means to me but i'm afraid he doesn't trust me, not anymore. I guess we'll have a long and hard way in front of us.
05/09/03 2.30 pm
Today is a very lazy day at work - that's why I started this homepage. I hope that I have the discipline to continue writting whenever I have time - I usually lose interest fairly soon but I hope that this won't happen with this.
PS: Dear reader, please be so kind and do not mind my bad English - it's not my native language but I will try to become better!!
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